Possible Facebook Groups I

I was having some fun yesterday on the ultimate time-waster Fakebook, I mean Facebook, going back and forth with a friend about a group called, "Say No to Spandex." I was actually going to start a group named something like that after almost being knocked down, again, by a biker in lycra as I walked along the greenway in Salem. When I saw there was already a group I just hopped on, even though there's no "action." While I was chatting with my FB buddy I mentioned I should start a group called, "Where I grew up if we saw a guy wearing spandex, we'd pull him off the bike and beat the crap outta him!" My FB buddy responded I'd better be careful or he might hit me with his purse. Haha! Ok, calm down, we're just joking.

Since I have a mental problem and do most of my bizarre thinking in the middle of the night when I should be sleeping, a bunch of different Facebook groups I think I'd like to see started parading past me...

"Stop being so smug...you're riding a freaking bicycle!"

"Yeah, I know I'm overweight, but I still look better than you!"

"Why are you so freaking angry?...your candidate won!"

"Raising your voice does not make you right!"

"Stop answering my questions with a question!"

"Wipe that phony smile off your face before I do!"

"You lied to me, I will never take you seriously!"

"Would you mind taking the knife outta my back without twisting it?"

"The first time I saw you I immediately disliked you, now I hate you!"

"Why can't my city have a decent daily newspaper?"

"Why do newscasters giggle? It does not make them more likable!"

"When I hear (insert a name, the first one that comes to my mind is...) Obama's voice come on tv I must change the channel!"

"You call that art? I call that crap!"

"You're a teacher? Really? A teacher?"

"You have no money to feed your kid, but enough of it to get beer, cigarettes and tattoos!"

"Now that you have tattoos on your face, neck, arms and hands, what job are you applying for?"

"Don't you think you should move out of the one-room welfare hotel before having another kid?"

"Getting a tan does not make Jersey girls prettier!"

"Speak English, I don't understand (insert whatever, I'll go with...) redneck!"

"Why do you say "bless her heart" when you don't even mean it?"

"Who the hell taught you how to drive?!"

"Merge does not mean stop!"

"Yellow does not mean stop short!"

"You're not better than anyone, so get over yourself!"

"Shoot me now...my husband has taken to wearing red suspenders!"

Those were just a couple that came to mind...I'm sure they'll be more. I hope no one gets offended but if they do here's a group for you...

"Lighten up! Not every thing's about you!"