Why Wait Until Valentine's Day To Break Up?

When I was younger, much younger, single even, you know, back--way way back-- in the day, Valentine's Day was such a desperate day. It brought out the best and worst of people and businesses. It still does. All the jewelry stores, florists, and restaurants up their prices...supply and demand. Basically it means paying extra for those same shitty roses that were half-priced a month ago, or the "special" three course Valentine's meal. Nothing says I love you as being cramped in one of the extra tables they brought up from the basement, and rushed through those speedy courses, as you don't enjoy your over-priced, lousy-cooked dinner. The group-thinking then, and is still the same now, being the more someone spends on someone, the more they are in love with that person. Of course, that's if you're even "lucky" to have a special partner who will be happy to spend their hard-earned or illicit-gotten money on the likes of you.

Why, back--way way back--in the day, some boys would have the audacity to break up with their sweethearts just so they don't have to depart with cash. And there were some girls who secretly wanted to break up with their disappointing sweethearts, but would decide to give them "another chance" in the hopes that said boy would redeem himself by showering the girl with wonderful, thoughtful, loving gifts, reflecting how he always felt, but just didn't know how to express himself. I'd say those scenarios probably still happens these days. Now, please feel free to substitute girl for boy, he for she, or whatever gender or pronoun people prefer nowadays. It doesn't matter. It's still the same. One person always seems to love the other one a little bit more than they are loved.

With my vast knowledge of people's actions/personalities/dispositions, etc., observed through books, movies, and decades of personal experiences, I have to say that if one waits for their partner to "come through" on Valentine's Day, it's probably not gonna happen. If you felt that secure and loved in your relationship you wouldn't have to wait and see what that person will do. Your significant other should treat you like a queen or king throughout the year, not just one lousy day, a couple of hours to "make up" for their shitty behavior. And no, loving someone does not equate to having to spend mega dollars to prove it. The best gifts come from the heart, not the wallet.

If over the last year the following "scenarios" have been experienced, my advice would be to break up with the fucker before Valentine's Day. Now for the sake of continuity I am going to use the pronoun "she" as you, and "he" as the one you're hoping will  do the "right thing."

Don't wait for Valentine's Day to break up  if...

*The moment you finish ordering in a restaurant, he takes out his phone and ignores you for the rest of the meal.

*He never pays for your meal any more.

*He no longer opens, or holds doors open for you.

*He not only doesn't walk you to your door, but leaves before you even get to your door.

*He no longer holds your hand.

*He walks ahead of you, and often is looking down at his phone.

*When he's not on his phone, he makes sure to place it upside down so you cannot see the screen.

*When he kisses you hello or good-bye, it's only a peck, and if you comment on that he rolls his eyes.

*He no longer reaches for you.

*He has problems "performing" and uses the excuse the hair regeneration meds are causing the problem. Um, if he is losing his hair, and is using meds to keep the hair, the reason he's doing that is to be attractive to someone. If he already has that "someone," you, then you're not the "someone" he wants to attract.

*Even after you plead with him not to, he buys a two-seater mini sports car, that due to a severe medical condition you have and he is well aware of, makes it difficult/dangerous for you to ride in. Um, if he's thinking his new car is a chick magnet, and he already has the chick, you, then you're not the "chick" he wants to attract.

*All of his money goes into his girlie car, whether it's to repair it or to pay all the tickets he gets.

*He no longer posts pictures of you and him on social media sites.

*He worries more about how he looks in pictures than you do.

*He cannot pass a mirror without looking at it,  often adjusting his hair.

*He doesn't let you run your fingers through his hair.

*He only picks the Netflix movie.

*He lies...constantly...about everything...everything...everything.

*He's always in competition with you.

*He always says his "insert whatever you both did together here, ummm, like a paint night painting," is better than yours. Even if it was, which it probably isn't, why would he feel compelled to say that?

*He gets jealous of the amount of friends, likes, and comments you receive on Facebook.

*He gets jealous of the amount of followers, likes, and comments you receive on Instagram.

*He doesn't like or comment on any of your social media posts.

*He doesn't get along with your closest friends and family.

*Your dog hates him.

*He does not support you mentally.

*He does not support your goals.

*He makes you doubt yourself.

*He turns everything around so that you are in the wrong.

*Every problem is your fault.

*He lowers your self esteem.

*He bullies you.

*He makes you cry.

*For your one-year anniversary he gives you six wilted roses and a small box of chocolates which he already opened and ate from. They are miniature Reeses peanut butter cups, which are your least favorite, and are his most favorite.

Need I go on? I think you get the point. Why prolong the agony? Why is it so many have a hard time being the one to break up when they know the other person is being totally passive-agressive and secretly wants to break up, but doesn't have the balls to actually do it? Creeps like that will wait it out, making your life miserable until you finally reach that point and say, I'm done, done, done! That's all they wanted. And then they could play the victim and say, "She broke up with me...blah, blah, blah."

Fine, you want to wait and see what happens Valentine's Day. Your digging your heels in. You put all that time into a relationship...what, how long? Months, a year, years? You want satisfaction. I say good luck to you. You're never gonna find the person you deserve if you stay with someone who doesn't deserve you...

Valentine's Day can be a blessing if you're with the one you love, and who loves you, or it can be such a curse...Here's a short story I wrote, aptly entitled The Valentine's Day Curse. Click here. It's free on Amazon. It might make you feel better. I know I did, after I wrote it.

Hey, if you have any other behaviors that should make you not wait for Valentine's Day to break up with someone, feel free to leave them in the comments...

Roanoke Thanksgiving Traditions

I love Thanksgiving. It's like Christmas without the stress of presents. It's the kick-off. It's when I find it acceptable to start listening to Christmas carols. It's when Christmas shows can be watched. It's when "March of the Wooden Soldiers" is supposed to air, like it did every Thanksgiving on WPIX in NYC. Here in Roanoke, VA, it never does. It doesn't matter anymore. My family got tired of hearing me complain about it, so now I own two dvd's of it, both colorized. I like the black and white version better.



Of course, I'll watch the parade in the background as I'm preparing the foodstuffs. I'll think back to the days I saw those balloons in person on my way to work at ABC News. It won't make me sad. I have Virginia traditions now. The transformation of the house will commence. In the sun room, my husband will watch the Cowboys. Instead of a beer in his hand, a string of broken Christmas lights to clothe a naked deer, will be. I'll time the dinner to begin before the game does. I will fail miserably, and the best my husband can hope for is halftime.

Friends will drift in and out. I'll cajole someone to stay for dinner. If we have enough folks, Pokeno will be played afterwards. Then dessert. Still haven't decided on that yet, but have been busy getting everything else in order. Two loaves of bread have been cut and placed in a huge glass bowl, waiting to get hard from the fresh air. I'll toss them every couple of hours. The peppers have been roasted and are awaiting to be peeled. The hard boiled eggs are to be deviled in the morning. The gravy stock vegetables will be cut up. The stuffing vegetables will be peeled and chopped. The rest will happen tomorrow.

I love Thanksgiving. It's the anticipation of Christmas.

Enjoy your traditions!

Evil Egg Hunt Repost

Yup, Easter is Sunday and that means it's that time of the year again when I reach back into the archives and repost an old entry entitled "Evil Egg Hunt." I guarantee it's not your ordinary Easter egg hunt...

Evil Egg Hunt

In my travels I recently picked up a couple of papier mache Easter eggs from Tuesday Morning. At the time I wasn't sure if I really liked the Victorian era eggs or not, but figured I should just buy them because if I decided later on I did like them they would probably be gone. When I got home I really couldn't find a place for them so I just put them on top of the tv center.




When the kids got home from school my daughter asked what they were and brought them down to get a closer look. When she saw them up close and personal she screamed, "What are these Easter eggs from hell?" She thought they were scary and creepy looking and told me to get rid of them as they gave her the willies.




She particularly hated this one...who she said reminded her of a deranged devil rabbit walking his sidekick familiar, chick demon spawn.




Since she kept going on and on and on about my questionable "taste", I decided I would have a little fun with her. While she was having her snack I placed the evil egg on her bed, hiding it under her covers. I'm not very good at keeping secrets when playing a practical joke so kept giggling the whole night in anticipation of her discovery.




I actually went to bed first, but before I could fall into my peaceful slumber I heard her screams echo all the way from the other side of the house. She marched into my room trying to act all upset, holding the evil egg at arm's length, but instead cracked up laughing, finally realizing what I was giggling about all night. I told her I wouldn't tease her with it anymore. As I looked at the eggs closer I realized she was right, these things could give you a nightmare. The next morning I awoke to find Mr. Evil Rabbit staring at me...





Man, she was good. And silent. I never even heard her come into my room. Again, we laughed so hard that the $1.99 I paid for each one was suddenly worth it. Naturally I couldn't let her get the best of me so I sneaked the egg into her school bag.



We both left the house at the same time, she heading into the mini van with my husband, me in the Jeep with my son. Waiting at the light, next to each other, we both were cracking up and I told her her to look in her schoolbag. She started really cracking up and told me to look in the backseat of the Jeep. Holy shit! There it was! Just sitting there, staring at me. She is damn good. The light turned green and we went our separate ways, with me practically peeing my pants. Driving my son to school he came up with a brilliant idea to notch up the competition a bit. He suggested I bring the big guns out, Pee Wee Herman.




Yes! She hates that doll more than anything, and at her request, I've had it hidden in my closet for years. What a great idea. So while she was in school I placed Pee Wee under her covers. Later when she came home she felt something under her as she plopped on her bed. She slowly pulled the covers down to see what was under there and was met with his spooky stare.




She wouldn't even touch him to remove him, so asked her brother to come and get him out of her room, who by now realized what happened and was bent over in laughter as I was. She vowed revenge. Inadvertently when she sat on Pee Wee I think she may have wounded him because when I pulled the string on his back he just garbled gibberish. I was saddened to see him lose his voice but it was my own fault for placing it where she couldn't see it.

That night my husband wasn't feeling too good, so being the compassionate wife that I am, I kicked him out of our bed and sent him downstairs to infect the spare room instead of me. Hey, if mom goes down, we all go down. When I awoke in the morning I didn't have a 200 pound man next to me but this instead...





Pee Wee with a plastic bag over his head. She suffocated Pee Wee! Check and mate for the little one, as the only thing left to put in her bed is a horse's head...

My Anti-Valentine Wish List

Dear Husband,

I know you find it hard to believe that when I answer, "Nothing" to your question, "What do you want for Valentine's Day?" I really mean it. I know you can be a little "thick" but it's been over twenty years and you still do not seem to get it, so once again I will spell out what not to get me...

1. A Vermont Teddy Bear - I am not two years old. If you spend $100 on this dust-catcher I will rip off its arms, legs and head and place them under the covers on your side of the bed.

2. A dozen roses - If you spend $100 buying roses that normally go for $12 I will pull off the heads and place the thorny stems under the covers on your side of the bed.

3. A box of Godiva chocolates - I am on a diet. No sugar. The end. If you buy me chocolates I will squish each one between my fingers and place them on your pillow.

4. A bottle of champagne - I cannot drink, especially on Mondays when I take my chemo pills. Seeing the sparkly bottle will depress me. If you buy me champagne I will hit you on the side of the head with the bottle.

5. A Valentine snuggy - I am not waiting for the comet to hit. If you buy me a snuggy I will put it on the floor for the dog to lie on.

6. A Valentine pajamagram with feet - I sleep in a sleeveless nightgown with the fan on even in the middle of winter. If you buy me a pajamagram I will turn the fan higher and face it towards you.

7. A skimpy nightgown - I know it doesn't bother you, but I am not the size 5 I was when we first met. It is not comfortable feeling like a sausage breaking through its casing when I try to sleep. If you buy me a small nightgown I will make you wear it.

8. Dinner out anywhere - We eat out already a couple of times a week. There is no need to subject me to a crappier menu than usual at double the prices with lousier service because the restaurant is filled to capacity. If you "surprise" me with reservations to a "fancy" restaurant I will pull out my black leather motorcycle jacket, combat boots, put on a blue wig and make a grand entrance in said restaurant.

9. Perfume - I still have four bottles of Samsara somewhere, from the last couple of holidays I told you I didn't need any more. If you buy me another bottle of perfume I will douse myself in Old Spice.

10. Jewelry - Really? Jewelry? Don't I have enough I don't wear? If you buy me any jewelry I will give it to our daughter who will promptly lose it.

11. A fancy card - If you simply must buy me a card, make sure there are scratch off lottery tickets in it. Whatever you do, do not buy me a fancy card that costs more than the one I get you from the dollar store.

Ok, that's the list. I'm sure I forgot something. If you really want to know what I "want" for Valentine's Day, besides the excuse-for-making-men-spend-money Hallmark Holiday being over, just get me what you get me every other day of the year...the gift of love and respect, and I'll do the same.

Love always,
Elena