Daddy Knows...

Dear Daddy,

It's been quite a while since we've spoken. It's not your fault, nor is it mine. It is what it is. I thought I would catch you up on what's been going on down here.

Your grandson will be entering his second year of college aiming for a Computer Science degree. His grades are okay, and would be much better if he gave even a smidgen of effort. Remember how we thought he was the smartest kid ever when he was two? I remember how you sat with him and taught him every state's shape. He could rattle them off and then put them in a puzzle all the while with the pacifier still in his mouth. You wanted me to get him on Conan, not Letterman "he's too mean" but I pooh-poohed you thinking all two year olds could do that. Apparently they can't.

He also has been working over a year at an auto parts store. He has our work ethic -- he's never been late, never called in sick, and everyone wants to work with him. He's "this close" to a promotion. It all depends on a vacancy being left by the assistant manager if he gets his transfer. It's a two-edged sword in my eyes. He likes money. He likes saving money. He likes spending money. He likes working so much at times he wonders why he has to bother with college at all. I'm trying my best to at least make him get an Associates Degree.

Now your granddaughter is another story. She is a mini-me, which as you know is not always a good thing. She puts too much pressure on herself to be the best that she can. It hasn't been easy for her, what with her medical conditions and all, but it's not stopping her. She's still attending two high schools and majoring in Mass Communications. Yes, like both of us she loves all things media related. We go to the movies weekly and luckily have the same taste. I'm sure you would agree with our reviews too. By the way, she's a fantastic editor and producer. Her little lisp, and Raggedy Ann scars will probably prevent her from being in front of the camera, but her instructor says she's one of the best students he's ever had. She begins interning at a local television station in a couple of weeks and she's very excited.

Remember how you used to read to her and was astonished when she took the book out of your hand and read to you when she was only two? Well she still always has a book in her hand and now she's waiting on her SAT scores. She retook the test recently as the first time she took it she didn't score high enough for her liking. I imagine it would be hard to score well when one has a constant pounding headache. Just so you know, I've taken her to quite a few doctors and I'm hopeful we finally found one who will take care of that problem. Also, this will be the first summer in years that she hasn't undergone surgery, so we are making progress. Anyway her goal is to attend JMU. It's pretty tough to get into it but she's determined. It's also pretty expensive but I'm determined to make it happen for her. You do realize if she is accepted and attends she will be the first girl in the family to ever go to college. I don't think you'll have to worry about her partying up a storm or anything like that. She's on a mission and nothing will deter her.

Now as for me. Well, it's been tough not talking with you. I still remember your phone number and dial it from time to time. You never answer. I wouldn't want to burden you with my problems but it would still be nice to just talk about it once in a while. My bones ache and it takes me a little longer to get out of bed in the mornings now, but I won't allow it to stop me. You always said walking was the best exercise and I agree so every day I walk a couple of miles along the river although I long to walk a couple of miles through the streets of Manhattan like you used to.

The pain in my bones paled compared to the pain in my heart as I wrote my book. Yes, Daddy, I actually finished it. It's called "Oblivious." Reliving the experiences, it tore apart my soul at times. I could barely see some of the letters on my keyboard now. Don't know if that was from tears, or from so many revisions. I said I would write the story that needed to be written, and I did. I know I always said I would dedicate my first book to you, and I will. I never imagined that the first book I wrote would be about you.

Well, that's about it for now. I hope you continue to visit me in my dreams and around the house. You don't scare us, well, you don't scare me, your grandchildren sometimes get a little freaked out. It's not the same as being with us in person, but if that's all we can get, we'll take it. Just know your grandchildren and I love and miss you dearly. I think you would be very proud of them and hopefully me too. Remember how I thought I could never be a good mother and you told me I would be, and then was, the best? Thank you. Happy Father's Day. And oh, one more thing, you were right, about so many things. I'm sorry I didn't realize it and tell you when you were alive.

I can still hear your voice saying..."Daddy knows..."