When Did Hugging Becoming Bad?

Although I do have great respect for the environment, I probably wouldn't be called a tree-hugger, but I am definitely a people-hugger. Much like Europeans greet each other with a peck to each side of the cheek, I don't kiss hello or goodbye, unless you're a relative, but I have been known to hug in greeting and parting. I don't know if it's a New York thing, or just an Italian thing, but it's pretty common amongst "my people."

This past weekend my husband and I attended a Christmas party a friend of his was throwing. I had never met his wife before so upon greeting her I took her extended hand with a "nice to meet you." By the end of the shindig when we were leaving I did give her a hug goodbye. When we were heading out the door I saw her husband who was hugging another guy goodbye and I went up to him to thank him for having us, and hugged him. He jumped back as if I electrocuted him and began apologizing to my husband, "I'm sorry man." My husband was like sorry for what? I guess I overstepped my boundary, but didn't mean anything by it, but now that I know it's verboten in Salem, I won't do it again.

My daughter was brought up the same way and she too is a hugger. She had a hugging experience on Saturday night, which was worse than mine. While she was at Valley View she saw a young man that she has known since kindergarten and hadn't seen in over a year. Her instinct was to hug him hello while saying something to the effect, "XXX, I haven't seen you in so long. How are you?" Well, she barely got that phrase out when she heard from the left of her, "Get your fucking whore hands off of my fucking husband, you fucking slut!" As if that wasn't a shock enough hearing this person shout it out in a crowded mall, seeing it was coming from someone heading towards her who had a small child perched on her hip, was more disturbing. The expletives flew at my daughter who looked at the childhood friend with a, wtf? Her friend tried to calm down his wife but she was having no part of it. My daughter was embarrassed especially since she had never had any type of romantic notions with this guy who was merely a friend.

Rather than confront this trashy individual and put her in her place, my daughter felt bad for the kid who had to hear his sweet mother's venom pour out of her mouth. Since my daughter was half the screamer's size, she had no doubt that the child would have been switched to whatever hip her mother's punching arm was not. Rather than be put in a hospital for being hospitable, my daughter put up her hands, shook her head, and walked away from the diatribe. I told her she did the right thing, "You gotta pick your battles." Her response was, "I didn't want to be a headline." The first thing she did when she got back to work was block her friend from Facebook. "If she acts that way in a public place, she's beyond the "jealous type" and probably got all his passwords.  She sounds like the type to stalk me, and damn, I don't need that shit. I don't want to be a headline."

Don't be a headline...a phrase I need to remember!

Anyway, my question to you readers is...are you a hugger? I don't mean to a total stranger, but if it's someone you know, do you hug? And does it matter if that person is not your gender? It wouldn't bother me one iota if a female friend hugged my husband. Would it bother you? Just because you hug someone it doesn't mean you want to fuck them.  I don't know...I think the world could use a little more hugging, not less.

What's Going on With Amtrak in Roanoke?

Dear people of Roanoke,

I know holiday preparations and celebrations are a good diversion to the sometimes less than favorable news of our fair city which of late included a councilman arrested for weed, and a mayor who's moronic remarks brought out far too many supporters of his stance, forever documented on video and in print, adding to the caricature of a backwards hick town that Roanoke is often portrayed as being. On Twitter we were called a "shithole." A little harsh.

Of course, there's not all bad news. Look over here at the shiny new ice-skating rink. That's lovely, especially for the smaller kids. Roanoke leaders must have felt pretty, pretty proud of themselves for accomplishing something that they think makes us more attractive. Oh sure, for the local families, it's a nice little perk, but it does absolutely nothing to attract businesses here. You know what might? An Amtrak station in Roanoke.

Wait, what? We are getting an Amtrak station in Roanoke! It'll be here in 2017. So, you say. I say don't be too sure. I was surprised to read this column by Hayden Hollingsworth in the Roanoke Star entitled, "Roanoke Needs Passenger Rail Service." In it he writes that complications have arisen concerning handicapped accessibility and the need to build a raised platform rather than have a lift for those who cannot navigate steps. Mr. Hollingsworth wasn't clear on who decided that, but upon Googling I found out the following: "On Sept. 30, the Federal Railroad Administration told the project team that federal officials believe a raised platform that would permit level boarding, without the need for wheelchair lifts, is required by the Americans with Disabilities Act."

From Hollingsworth article, "If built to the required specifications it would reduce the trackage to a single rail through Roanoke, an impossibility for continued operation of wide-load freight trains of which there are 50 or more a day." And then this as well, "The 611J, our international icon, will not be able to pass the level platform. What an embarrassment to have invested the money and interest in its restoration and then build a platform that will negate its use!"

Now, I don't believe Norfolk South cares one iota about the 611 not passing the platform, but I do believe that they will never agree to allowing a single rail through Roanoke. It's just not feasible for them as a business. Worse than the downtown station being delayed will be if the downtown station is never built. So I have a couple of questions for the city leaders and politicians who have crowed about being responsible for getting Roanoke its own Amtrak station...

Did no one know that a raised platform was mandatory?
Did no one know that using a lift instead would not be feasible?
How was it determined where the platform would be located?
What steps are being done to come up with a viable solution?
Can we really expect a passenger station in downtown Roanoke, and when?

I believe transportation issues (difficulty, cost, time, getting in and out of Roanoke) are a major reason why businesses are neglecting Roanoke, and no matter how many ice rinks, amphitheaters, bike & walking trails are built, a business is not going to locate here because of them. So stop fooling yourselves!  If this Amtrak station falls through it's just another spike in Roanoke's coffin. People need to stop looking at the shiny things of distraction and focus on keeping this city from becoming a real "shithole."

Yours truly,
A relocated damn Yankee

M Train by Patti Smith

Patti Smith - Beacon Theatre - 11/10/15 - Photo by Stephen Cipolla

"It's not so easy writing about nothing." - Patti Smith "M Train"

It's not so easy writing a review about "M Train" either. I picked up Patti Smith's latest memoir hoping the muse she has always been to me would emerge after I read it to inspire and lift me out of my writing doldrum. Instead, I found myself slipping deeper into it, and unable to even write an in-depth review. I decided to just highlight a couple of passages and throw in a couple of thoughts.

"Without noticing, I slip into a light yet lingering malaise. Not a depression, more like a fascination for melancholia, which I turn in my hand as if it were a small planet, streaked in shadow, impossibly blue." - Patti Smith "M Train"

It's hard to reflect on the past while living in a totally different present. And I, the invisible person sitting across from Patti at her favorite cafe, watching her daily routine as she nurses her black coffee, nibbles on brown toast with olive oil, making notes or compiling lists, find myself feeling sort of sad for her. Not for the glimpses into her past which many of us never had a view of before, but for the tales she tells of the present.

Drinking lots of black coffee, opening a can of sardines over the sink for dinner, binging on crime tv shows, and spending a birthday and New Year's Eve alone, seems like a routine not associated with anyone "famous." Even the times she is away from her NYC home traveling around the world it doesn't seem like she's "living the dream."

My cousin, who was friends with her mom Beverly when she was alive, says not to believe it. "That's just what she wants to portray," he says. "She always performs on her birthday and New Year's Eve. And she eats very well, she's friends with a lot of famous chefs. I could go on, so don't go feeling too bad for her." Okay then.

"Not all dreams need to be realized. That was what Fred used to say." - Patti Smith "M Train"

As a devoted fan of hers from the beginning, oh, how I resented Patti when she married Fred "Sonic" Smith,  moved away from music, moved away from NYC, and moved to Michigan. When I was 19, I couldn't understand her throwing away her "rockstar" status to become just a wife and mother. Just a wife and mother. Just a wife and mother. It wasn't until I moved away from NYC to Virginia and became just a wife and mother did I understand "just" was a ridiculous word to use.

"Becoming a parent and being responsible for one’s own blood, a tiny helpless thing shifts our place in our universe. We find we are no longer in the center and our self-preoccupation forcibly dissipates. That is a good thing. One can maintain their ideals, their artistic vision, and sense of self while still relinquishing one’s place in the center. That is how we evolve. That is how we develop a sense of humanity, placing others before ourselves." - Patti Smith answering a question on Goodreads.

After reading "M Train" I feel even worse. Clearly, the days she spent with Fred seem like when Patti was happiest. How could I resent that?

"We want things we cannot have. We seek to reclaim a certain moment, sound, sensation. I want to hear my mother's voice. I want to see my children as children. Hands small, feet swift. Everything changes. Boy grown, father dead, daughter taller than me, weeping from a bad dream. Please stay forever, I say to the things I know. Don't go. Don't grow." - Patti Smith "M Train"

Yes. The wish of many of us...

"All writers are bums, I murmured. May I be counted among you one day." - Patti Smith "M Train"

I don't think Patti has to worry about that. Congrats to her for making the New York Times Bestseller List again, like she did with "Just Kids." Unlike "Just Kids" which focused on the past, "M Train" dips into it. I'd say it's more of a melancholy memoir about nothing extraordinary, written beautifully, and leaving this reader wanting more. The way I see it there's three more books in Patti...2 more memoirs...The Rock 'N Roll Years, The Mothering Years, and a crime novel. The last will be the hardest for her to write, and the first one is the one I want to read most.

Vultures

Why did the vulture cross the road? To get to the dead possum...

Carvins Cove in the Fall

I've lived in Roanoke for over 20 years and this past weekend was the first time I've ever been to Carvins Cove Natural Reserve. The 12,700 acre park is located in Botetourt and Roanoke counties. There are over 50 miles of trails for hikers, mountain bikers and horseback riders. A daily pass will set you back $2 per person. Between Memorial Day and Labor Day, kayaks, Jon boats, and paddle boats are available for rental, prices vary. You can fish all year. For more detailed information click here.

My husband and I hiked on one of the easier trails and then we just sat and watched the water. So peaceful, so tranquil, so beautiful. I liked it so much I suggested we get a fishing license next time we head there. I wouldn't mind sitting on the shore, rod and book in hand, just relaxing...

Fall Foliage in Botetourt

We drove through Botetourt County yesterday on our way to Fincastle to see if anything was going on in that town. We vaguely remembered going to a restaurant there many years ago which I felt was haunted. I couldn't tell you anything about the food, but remember it was a pretty "classy" joint with white tablecloths that had a crystal chandelier above our table. What was strange about our experience there was that if you looked at that chandelier in the mirror at the end of the restaurant you could see it swaying every so slightly, back and forth, back and forth. Not so underneath it.

We tried to find Main Street where we assumed it would be but didn't see anything like it. We parked the car and went into the Botetourt Museum where the saddest mannequin in the world resides...

She's sitting in a jury duty box, but she looks so freaking miserable. I think it's because her breasts are sagging.

I asked about lunch options, specifically about that restaurant, but the lady in the museum said if it was the place she was thinking about that closed a couple of years ago. She said there was another one too, but that also closed a couple of years ago. The only place she knew of was of a pizzeria down the block from the museum. Since we weren't in the mood for what I'm sure would have been sub-par Italian food, I pressed her for any other recommendation. Sadly, she said that was the only place in town. Wow, that's one reason I could never live in a town like that. Even with all the crappy Roanoke restaurants at our fingertips, good or bad, there's at least options. Disappointed, I suggested we head back towards the interstate and hit the Cracker Barrel.

On our way there we stopped along the sides of the road to take some pictures. The fall foliage was absolutely beautiful! Here are a couple of shots...

Hawks

I don't know how the idea of visiting Carvin's Cove popped up, but it did, and after Googling it we decided to check it out on our way home. Pictures to come in another post...

Canoeing in Explore Park

This past weekend we went searching for some brilliant fall foliage to photograph...wow, that's a tongue twister...but none was to be found. Instead, we wound up at Explore Park to see what was going on there. New to me was the visitor center, which was very nice, but I was disappointed that all the other buildings that I had visited with the children during numerous school trips, were shuttered. There's still 14 miles of hiking and biking trails for those who love the great outdoors, but they are of little interest to me.

As we were getting ready to head back out, we stumbled upon some folks carrying a canoe out of the woods so figured something was going on in the river down below. Yup, there was...

He made it!

Roanoke County is still deciding what to do with the park and is offering citizens a chance to let them know what they'd like to see up there. Until October 31 you can complete this survey to give your opinions. Since the only thing that would interest me is re-opening the historic Brugh's Tavern restaurant, I'm not going to bother, but if you're an outdoors enthusiast you might want to weigh in. Let me know if one of the options is to put a casino up there...