Fractured Facade

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THE VALENTINE'S DAY CURSE -- A Short Story, also Free on Amazon for Kindle Unlimited readers or $.99 to buy! Click here for direct link!

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Got S.A.D.?

If I was a betting gal, and I am, I would wager that I'm not the only person around these parts suffering from Seasonal Affective Disorder.

"Symptoms of SAD may consist of difficulty waking up in the morning, nausea, tendency to oversleep and over eat, especially a craving for carbohydrates, which leads to weight gain. Other symptoms include a lack of energy, difficulty concentrating on or completing tasks, withdrawal from friends, family, and social activities, and decreased sex drive. All of this leads to depression, pessimistic feelings of hopelessness, and lack of pleasure which characterize a person suffering from this disorder."

Except for the oversleeping part, I actually have insomnia, I'd say that's a pretty accurate reflection of what I've been feeling. You know I'm feeling lousy when I don't even want to go out to dinner. Last night was the first time I went out in a couple of weeks. I had to "force" myself to get ready, but didn't even bother putting on make-up, telling myself, "It's only Outback." The only reason I probably even got that far was because I "forced" myself to go out in the world in the daytime to pick up a TaiChi DVD. When I returned home I "forced" myself to sit in the backyard so that the sun was blazing on my face. Unfortunately, the whole time I was basking in the glow I was speaking to my brother on the phone, consoling him for the loss of one of his cats. He feels the same way right now, but probably even worse, since he lost one of his pets and lives in Brooklyn, and they have had one helluva winter.

My brain is so discombobulated I haven't even gathered my tax receipts or tallied my expenses for last year. I couldn't complete the assignments for my MOOC class, so I won't be getting a certificate of completion. That's okay as I'm still getting what I needed to get out of the class, but if you know me you know how unlike me it is not to at least attempt to give it my all. I haven't worked on my novel, or the other short story I have tacked to my bulletin board, and even the Korean War letters novella is languishing on a corner of my desk. I haven't been to the shop in weeks. I'm sure the bills are piling up, and I know no one has completed the book cataloguing for me. Stuck on the letter W for over a month now. Haven't even started the magazines or tapes and thinking about designing a website is just too overwhelming. I have four books on my nightstand and cannot get through any of them. The only thing I've been able to do is watch tv, ride my indoor bike (at a very slooooow speed) eat bad food, and throw rocks for Bella to chase. Heck, I'm surprised I'm even writing this post.

My friends in Florida and New York are urging me to take a vacation, now. Cross New York off the list because who the hell wants to deal with parking in the snow, and even if I wanted to go to Florida, I just can't right now. My daughter is dealing with some medical issues and is slated to get a colonoscopy and endoscopy in a couple of weeks so I'm not going to go anywhere until I know everything is all right. But I do agree I need a change of scenery to light a spark in me again. Until that happens I am going to "force" myself to do the following:

"Force" myself to attempt Tai Chi.
"Force" myself to go outdoors.
"Force" myself to take a walk along the river.
"Force" myself to get to the shop.
"Force" myself to interact with people.
"Force" myself to get a haircut (maybe.)

All I know is that if one is in a rut, the longer it goes on, the deeper it gets to dig out of it. I have to snap/slap myself into action. Just as I was composing this post the "you got mail" sound came on and in my mailbox was the inspirational quote of the day...

"What are you waiting for? How long will you keep waiting? Don't sit back and wait for life to happen to you. Have a plan and take the needed steps to create what you want." — Steve Maraboli

A plan sounds like a good idea...and it's up to me to take the needed steps...starting with taking that step over the threshold and getting the hell out of this house.


  1. I think I am in that rut with you and my inner anger keeps spilling out onto others (not that I will call them innocent) too. Hoping I can snap out of it too, but you know, feeling like shit all the time really saps your soul IMO.

  2. Sandy, I'm sorry you're still not feeling better...chronic pain is the worst! I'm going to make it a point to get out in the sunshine as much as I can today, just soaking in rays makes me feel rejeuvenated. Hopefully it'll spur me on to doing something productive :)