Fractured Facade

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THE VALENTINE'S DAY CURSE -- A Short Story, also Free on Amazon for Kindle Unlimited readers or $.99 to buy! Click here for direct link!

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

I'm Awkward

Well, it finally happened. My kids feel the same way about me as I felt about my parents when I was their age. I never thought it would happen, but it did. I always said I would never be like them, but I guess I am. The difference between my parents and me is that now that I know what my kids think about me, I will torture them with the very word my son used to describe me...awkward.

Think back to when you were 18 or 16. Remember how embarrassing your parents were to you? How lame they were? Yeah, that's me now. I found this out when I went to see the piece of crap "Shutter Island" with my son. He's become a movie buff, and usually goes with his friends, so when he said he would come to the movies with me I looked forward to hanging out with him. My son makes me laugh with his wry and sarcastic sense of humor, even when its directed at me.

I saw that it annoyed him a little that I wanted to go to the Salem Valley 8 instead of Tanglewood, or anywhere else in the Roanoke Valley. It's closer to home and they have a better matinee price. I think I first embarrassed him when they told me that a popcorn and two sodas would be $16.50. He winced when I said, "Are you crazy?!" to the teen behind the counter. It just came out. I couldn't help it. $16.50 for two sodas and a popcorn is crazy. It only cost $11 to get into the movie for the both of us! Instead I went for the large popcorn and soda which at least entitled us to unlimited refills, for a mere $13.50. I think my son cringed when I asked for a small cup so I could siphon some coke into it. He's lucky I didn't smuggle cans of Pepsi in my pocketbook.

When we walked into the theatre it was dark, and I mean pitch black, can't see your hand in front of your face, walking in Dixie Caverns dark. We found a spot in the middle of the theatre. I kept walking down front but my son stopped me, "Where are you going?" Ummmm, closer? No. This was fine. We couldn't see if there were other people around us but I heard them talking. One voice kept getting closer and closer and I was worried she was going to sit on our laps so I pulled out my cell phone to light up where we were so she wouldn't, and told my son that's what I was doing. Well that little maneuver set him off. This was his exact words..."See that's why I don't go out with you much any more." My response...."Why? Because I put my cellphone on so someone won't sit on our laps?" His..."No, because you're....ummmmm....awkward." Mine..."Awkward? What do you mean...awkward?" His...." do things that make you awkward. Like that." Me...."Really? That's awkward? You think I'm awkward?" Him..."It's not just that...but yes, you're sometimes awkward. Would you rather I lied to you?" I dunno....ummmm, yes?

So as soon as the trailers start the lights come up (guess they got that backwards) and I could see the theatre is pretty empty except for the couple who almost sat on our laps and the family that sat directly in front of us. After the trailers end the screen turns off and muzak starts to play. The lights are now up. I let out a sigh knowing they're screwing up and wonder if anyone is going to alert the staff. I look around and no one seems to be concerned. I turn to my son, "I know you may think this is awkward but I'm going to the lobby to tell them to turn the movie on." He tells me I don't have to as the guy sitting next to him had gotten up already. We wait. The guy comes back holding a huge tub of popcorn. I have a feeling he didn't report anything, so I get up. I ask the kids in the lobby what's going on with the movie and they don't know what I'm talking about. Ooooops! They run up to the projector room and start the film, no the film had already started, it just wasn't being projected, so we missed the first ten minutes. They couldn't restart it. My son: "See, I told you this theatre sucks."

So we sat through the rest of the movie which I thought sucked and my son thought was okay. When I complained about it he said, "See that's what I mean." Me..."What do you mean? I can't not like a movie?" Him..."You always make me feel like a moron if I like something you don't." Me..."Wow, I never realized that...geeze, that's a little brutal....hmmmm, is it worse to be a moron or awkward?" Him..."You're never gonna let me live that word down, are you?" "Nope, I'm not, because I'm freaking awesome, I mean awkward."


  1. Ahhh. I am sure you will have lots of fun playing up the awkward angle. I am downright goofy, and when my kids figure it out, their street cred will be reduced to zero.

  2. You know it Slam...Everytime I hand my son some money for gas or a haircut, etc. I ask him first if it's awkward ;)

  3. Its better to accept the inevitable. There's just no way to get around it. :)

  4. Ouch! Though, I remember going to see Beelejuice when I was little. I loved it and asked my mom & step-dad what their favorite part was. Step-dad replied with "the credits." Made me feel about an inch tall, dumb, and childish.
    Have fun with being "awkward"! Glad to see you're keeping your sense of humor about it. :)

  5. LOL! This post made my day. Next time give me a call and I'll go with ya. Tell your son that a woman actually did sit on me a couple of years ago. If only I was clever enough to whip out my cell! Guess that makes me awkward too.

  6. I remember visiting that theater in um, 1976 or so. The last time I was there, it was quite run down. Is it still or did they fix it up?

  7. Dew, they "fixed it up" but it's still run down.