No Yard Sale Here

The other day I found a folded piece of paper wedged in my screen door. I figured it was probably from one of the candidates running for the Board of Supervisor's position who have pushed the Jehovah Witnesses out of the "most annoying early bell ringer" detested spot. Nope, it was a type-written notice from one of our neighbors letting us know that May 11th has been deemed the Neighborhood Yard Sale Day.

They hope we will be part of it as "the more the merrier," and they even have taken the liberty of posting it on Craig's List. Oh joy. They spared no expense, and are sure to attract the brightest of the valley. You know, the ones that look at a 8:00am start time and arrive at 6:00 so they get the "best deals." To say I am underwhelmed would be an overstatement. I am not a yard sales person. The one and only time we participated with our neighbors was not a good experience.

I spent days gathering, cleaning, organizing, pricing, and carrying crap up from the basement to put on tables on our lawn. Too many "professional yard salers" came. Even though I was trying to get rid of the stuff, I didn't like some of the more skankier folk handling my articles. What if they didn't buy it and I had to bring it back in the house? A can of Lysol was under the table at the ready. No, you cannot use my bathroom...do I look like I fell off a turnip truck? Take a check? Why not just give me a credit card for a $2.00 toy. And, no matter what price you put on something, someone will try to haggle you down. How much lower can you go on a quarter? What, a nickel? Just take the freaking toy. I don't think I sold one article.

My next door neighbors made hundreds of dollars. I heard them selling like they were closing on a house. Me? I was too honest..."Yeah, I had another one and can tell you that sushi maker is tough to use. That roaring dinosaur sometimes just decides to growl in the middle of the night. Oh, I hated that book!" Yeah, I'm not a good salesperson. I think the strangest "sale" I had was giving away a box of Barbie Dolls to some guy who wanted them for an "art project." Creepy.

So, it goes without saying we will not be participating. I have plenty of stuff clogging up my basement but I will do what I always do with it...donate it to Goodwill. It's much easier, more satisfying, and a lot safer than talking to a potential Craig's List thief. Probably the only good thing that will come out of this neighborhood sale is that my next door neighbor will not be using his leaf blower at 7:00am.

Now as to the problem of fools parking on my lawn -- I asked my husband if it would be wrong if I just threw some nails near the sign I plan to put on the tree saying "No Parking!" He said it would be, but then I reminded him of how they tore up our lawn the last time they thought under the cherry trees was a parking lot for the neighborhood sale. He handed me the box...

Stay off the lawn, or else...