Fractured Facade

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Thursday, March 3, 2011

End-Of-Life Lessons

"I hope I die before I get old..."

Didn't happen. I'm still kicking around, but not like I used to, not like I want to. I never really thought about getting old and leaving this world until recently. Now I do, a lot. I've come to grips with my own mortality. I'm not afraid of dying. I'm afraid of how my family will function without me.

I've started schooling my husband on how to handle the books -- logging invoices, paying bills, weekly, monthly, quarterly, yearly taxes for the shop shit. Every week I add another step (I don't want to overburden him.) When he makes errors I show him how I knew there was an error "somewhere" and how I went about finding and then fixing it. It's been challenging for him not only because he's "just a mechanic" and not as detail-oriented as I am, but because my handwriting sucks so bad he could barely read it.

I've also been showing him the important house-type duties -- where I keep the unpaid bills, the order in which they're to be paid, how to balance a check book, how to call-in a prescription a couple of days before the bottle is empty, the importance of writing dates on a calendar and looking at the calendar, where I keep all the "important papers", policies, statements, etc. I've also shown both my kids as a back-up. They don't want to hear it, and pretend they don't hear me, but I know they do. I know I can count on them to help their dad when it's my time to go.

I'm not being morbid. I just don't feel like myself. Something's wrong and I don't want my family to find themselves in the same position my father found himself in after my mother passed and I found myself in after my father passed. My husband doesn't like my end-of-life lessons, but I tell him they're necessary. I'll only be able to do so much from the other side. The rest will be up to him.

My biggest worry is where he'll bury me. We want to be buried together, but he doesn't want to be buried in New York and I don't want to be buried in Virginia. I hope I made myself clear to him -- if he dares bury me in Roanoke, and not in Brooklyn, I will haunt him forever...and if he think's I'm a pain in the ass now, just wait.


  1. I need to do this with my husband too.

    As for burial, find a 1/2 way point. :)

  2. Cremate and bi-locate

  3. Is cremation out of the question for you? That would be one way to resolve it. Another way (admittedly expensive) is to bury you or take your ashes to New York, and then buy a plot at a cemetery here and put a marker on it, so he can visit and leave flowers over the holidays. Those activities have some importance to loved ones especially in the years immediately following a death. (I have a friend who went this latter route and she find it very comforting to take a wreath to the cemetery, even if it is an empty shrine.)

    I am sorry you're feeling this way, though, because you're awfully young. So I hope it is something that passes.

    That said, I think it is good that you're teaching your husband and children these things.

  4. Cremation is out of the question. I guess the final decision would be left to the one left standing, and I certainly wouldn't expect my family to visit me daily so my request to be buried in Greenwood in Bklyn should be honored. I have a friend who is buried here in Roanoke whose wife left town soon after he was put in the ground. I think we're the only ones who visit's sorta sad.