Yesterday I went on a frantic search to find some letters. I thought I knew where I had put them for "safe-keeping" but I was wrong. When I knew I had to come to the end I decided it was time to call in the heavy gun...St. Anthony. For those of you who aren't catholic, St. Anthony is the patron saint of lost things. Sometimes the "thing" doesn't have to be a tangible item, but in my case it was. I said the prayer and then went back to my office to clean up the mess I had made. I figured it was a good time to clean out and dispose of papers, etc.
I put on a CD of Gregorian Chants to clear my mind and allowed myself to become an open vessel. Not 15 minutes went by when I found myself standing up and heading to the basement. I went directly to the spare room closet, opened it and reached for a plastic box on the top shelf. I brought it down, opened it, and found what I was looking for. St. Anthony never fails me.
Actually, I found more than I was looking for as I came across many "things" especially writings I haven't seen in years. Two of the most interesting papers were not written by me. One was notes from a reading by a psychic I had visited. The other was a 38 page astrological chart and report completed by Para Research, Inc. in 1988. During that period I was getting to the end of a nasty divorce with my first husband, and had just met someone who would become my second husband. The psychic reading was mostly geared to those personal matters. I'd like to share some of the info from each finding and today I'll start with the psychic to see how accurate she was.
Relationships - "Continue with the divorce and do not marry X. You need to be with yourself in order to know what it is you need and what you do not want to repeat in your relationships. X is a good soul and he's anxious to remain in this country and you would be a means for him to say. You would feel used int he long run in this relationship for you would always question his motives."
I did listen and continued with the divorce. I did not listen and married X. That marriage lasted 7 weeks as I questioned his motives, although he wanted me to move to Copenhagen more than he wanted to stay here.
Creativity - "At this point you are filled with negative energy and you first must clear this away before you can get in touch with your creativity which you have, but you must first meditate to release negative energies. Get yourself a rose quartz crystal and this warmed will help you to open your heart to love energies and eliminate the negativity that is surrounding you. You have a goodness that is deeply locked inside of you. You must release it without fear of being abused and taken advantage of, for this goodness is what is the godliness of your personality and will bring you much joy and peace in your life. You will help many people, but first you are to be with yourself in order to discover yourself and the great potential of your being."
I was very negative during this stage of my life...a divorce will do that to you. I believe I did get the rose quartz which warmed my heart so much that I got married again to X, so it back-fired.
She went on quite a while about how I need to be by myself in order to explore myself. This is a brief passage - "When you are in a relationship you give 100% to the other person and then lose yourself for then you almost do not exist any more.You need to be by yourself in the sense of not committing to one person for when you are alone in this way you can get more in touch with your inner self and find out many things about the talents you possess. And the love for yourself will grow large and when one loves oneself then one loves God for you are god manifested on the earth plane and you have been giving your power away to another soul and this is not correct. So in your lifetime in order to be happy and without depression you need to work only on yourself. Be selfish at this time in your life for it will bring you great understanding for the reason that you came come to this life."
She was right as I had given myself 100% to my first husband who was like a vampire draining my energy. When I realized I was doing the same thing with #2 I stopped, and started to become more "selfish" which wound up in us getting the marriage annulled.
Psychic Healing - "You are a healer. When you get in touch with your kindness and goodness that is found in your presence you will heal many people. You will keep them in touch with themselves by just giving your attention to them. You can't understand at this time what I am telling you but trust that your power is so tremendous that in this energy everything that comes in contact with it is healed."
I didn't understand it at the time, but not long afterwards I did find myself using psalms and the laying of hands on people to help them. They swore it did. I don't know. One time my daughter, who is riddled with numerous exostoses, had a huge one on her wrist which was very serious. She was quite young and they couldn't risk surgery as it was on the growth plate. The specialist was concerned that her arm would stop growing or it would inhibit her from being able to function normally with that hand. We just had to wait it out and see. I prayed, prayed, prayed over her. I went to Mary's Basillica at Regina Pacis Church in Brooklyn and begged Mary to help intercede. I asked Padre Pio for his help, and of course, Jesus as well. I would put holy oil, holy water on her wee little wrist, and just let the energy of light and love flow from the top of my head, through my heart and out my fingertips to her. She would say her wrist would get hot. I had no idea if it would work. Six months later xrays were taken again and the tumor was gone. The specialist scratched his head and had no explanation. I told him about my prayers and he said anything was possible. I loved him for not mocking me and hated when he left town for a better position in another state. My daughter still had scores of tumors so it wasn't as if I was this major healer who could just will away all ills or anything, but I do believe something happened to help her with that particular one.
To this day total strangers will come up to me and begin talking to me out of nowhere. It's like I'm emanating some sort of beacon for the downtrodden and distressed who feel the need to spill their guts to me. I can offer a word here or there, but still don't understand why I attract so many people, living as well as dead, yet have had such a hard time forging meaningful friendships in Roanoke.
Dreams - "Hotel dream is telling you about yourself. It is showing that you are changing. The different hotels is your many-sided personality. You are confused to which way you want to be, who you are in truth alludes you. Going up the elevator and escalators means that your soul is desiring growth to reach the highest plane to connect to truth which is god and this dream shows you clearly how important it is that you do this work to find yourself alone for no one is with you in this hotel and you are the explorer and the exploration is of yourself."
I still have dreams of hotels, elevators and escalators. I usually am by myself. Once again she was telling me to be by myself so I could explore myself. After marriage # 2 failed, that's exactly what I did. I traveled abroad and became "selfish" to do everything I wanted to do. I needed to accomplish this for myself. It took me a while, but I stopped hating myself and understood that the actions of the people I was surrounding myself with were negative to my growth. Once I let all of that go I became happier and my heart was more open. It took a couple of years to follow my heart again and that's when I met husband # 3. He was nothing like the other two. He gave me two beautiful children that I was able to devote myself entirely to because I had already been selfish and experienced everything I needed to in order to be a good mother.
Writing - "You will write and you will be recognized, but not for a long time. In the later years of your life you will write and be successful for you will write from your deepest heart which will be very open in that time."
I guess it did take a long time to be recognized. I did have a column for two years at the local newspaper, but more importantly I believe she was referring to the writing & publishing of my first novel, Fractured Facade which practically killed me. It did come from my deepest broken heart, as did my short story, The Valentine's Day Curse (which you can read for free.) More books to come...
Guides - "You are guided by five guides. You have an angel, your grandmother, an Indian and a soul from a past life that was your husband that lived with you in Rome many years ago. He was a very jolly type that sang and played and never worried over money, and he had such a free spirit that you could not understand him, but he is guiding you now to find your own free spirit. Allow your guudes to come through to teach you for they will. You must trust them. The grandmother of your mother is also a guide."
Interesting. I know I do have a guardian angel because I've gotten out of situations that are unexplainable unless someone "divine" intervened. I did visit Rome two years after this reading and I felt like I was at home. It was amazing. Perhaps that guide is why I was always attracted to musicians and the type that never worried about money, and maybe my grandmother, or my mother's grandmother, was the one that finally opened my eyes to change what I normally went for. The Indian is probably the one that helps me with my spiritual aspects and love of photographing nature.
Conclusion - "Elena, you will have much work to do in this life, but this work can be very ???(can't make out my handwriting!) if you learn about your own power and your connection to the energy of love. You will then have much joy and peace. You are on the path now and this is just your beginning...much adventure ahead. Enjoy!"
Yes, there has been much adventure in my life, and the best parts have always been fueled by the energy of love.
I think I may begin meditating again...