GoFundMe - Free Money For Me

Lately there's been a rash of folks abandoning the "donate" button on blogs and heading to every other social internet site begging for money via GoFundMe. I won't say all of them are deadbeats with their hands out, but I have noticed quite a few, which leads me to believe it must be really easy to start a GoFundMe account, and, there's a sucker born every day.

Now, we all could use some extra dough, and I guess it would be too crude to just start one saying "I Want Your Money!" although it would be honest, so I've thought of a couple of scenarios whereby I could pick your pockets with an account. Do you like any of these ideas?

"Hi friends and strangers...after thinking long and hard, I've come to the conclusion that robbing a store, selling drugs, or selling my body is not the best way for me to get money. Instead, I've decided to create a GoFundMe account which I will call FREE MONEY FOR ME. Funds are desperately needed for the following reasons listed below. In each GoFundMe there are four levels of donations - PLATINUM - $500, GOLD - $250, SILVER - $100 - BRONZE - Whatever you can afford. If you donate to any of my FREE MONEY FOR ME funds, you might be entitled to some trinket, might be...

1. WRITER'S BLOCK - Help me overcome this terrible disease of being unable to finish any of the four books I've been writing! Platinum - You will be a well-loved character in my next book. Gold - You will be a character that doesn't die in my next book. Silver - You will be in the acknowledgements. Bronze - You will be a despised character that meets an untimely and cruel death.

2. BRACES FOR BELLA - Bella, a Malti-Zhu was the runt of the litter who lived in a cage. When she was "bad" the breeder would shoot water on her. The only toys she had to play with were rocks. These rocks caused her mouth to be a scary sight. She needs braces badly!

Platinum - You will receive a video of Bella chasing rocks. Gold - You will receive a photo of Bella. Silver - You will receive a lock of her hair. Bronze - You will spend an afternoon with Bella listening to her bark at every single passer-by.

3. HOME AWAY FROM MY NEIGHBORS - You could only imagine the torture I undergo when the weather turns warm and the thud thud, thud of the basketball, and the vroom, vroom, vroom of the leaf blower begins. With the arrival of another child last year, the constant crying has overcome the constant whining of the older child and the drunken cheers when they play corn hole. Even the song birds have left the neighborhood and have been replaced by vultures.

Help me move! Platinum - You will receive one of our many lawn mowers. Gold - You will receive a koi from the pond if the raccoons have left any. Silver - You will receive a bouquet of flowers grown on the property from the bushes, shrubs, trees, garden bed, that our neighbor's child has not damaged. Bronze - A bucket of rocks from Bella's yard.

4. NO MORE AUTO REPAIR - In case you didn't know, there is no such thing as an old auto mechanic, and my husband's hands are becoming so arthritic he could barely hold a wrench. So, after owning an auto repair shop for 19 years, the time has come to put him down. Since I also work there I will become unemployed and there is no way I want to go out and get a regular 9-5 job, God forbid! I will still need to feed Bella her very expensive treats so I need some sort of income, so please help. Platinum - A tune-up for your vehicle, but you pay for the parts. Gold - An oil change for your vehicle, but you pay for the oil. Silver - An inspection for your vehicle, but you pay for the sticker. Bronze - A recommendation of another shop where you can take your vehicle for repair.

If none of the above suits you maybe I can appeal to your heart instead...send me FREE MONEY or the dog gets it...